hello spring

   I collect found playing cards and read them as tarot. The cards have to be directly in my path-meant for me. Honestly, I find them a lot! I hang out in thrift stores/bins, daily, so cards are around. Lately it's the 9 of hearts or 10 of hearts day after day, over and over, it's getting pretty funny. I feel good about it as the 9 (bliss, harmony- wishes fulfilled, happiness, pleasure, material gain) & the 10 (positivity, goals realized, excitement, transformation) of hearts (cups, as the correspond to the tarot) are extremely positive and just lovely. I think they're telling me to chill. I'm here. I have everything I need. I'm good. I want to appreciate life as it's unfolding before me. Be in it and love life as it is. It's been quite good.
  I wonder how much my life has actually changed or if it's just my perspective that has shifted and moved into a place of contentment and gratitude. I don't dig drama. I enjoy kindness, beauty and sweetness and don't think I have to accept instability or conflict as a part of "real" life. Of course I know, yes, unpleasant things happen, but I want to be able to deal with challenges without disappearing into a vortex of victim-hood. These days, I try to practice being a problem solver and focus on how to get to where I want to be instead of reclining on my fainting couch crying my eyes out and woe is me-ing myself into oblivion.. I just want to be happy so I look at the wonderful people, experiences and opportunities in my life and choose to pour my love and energy into them.
  My Tigress twin gave me this beyond amazing Crescent moon bag. It's the most beautiful little bag. A true token of love.

  Interesting and intense developments in my earthly world and in the world of Tarot. My readings have been of a real expansive, transformative, positive big deal, romantic nature. Finally!a couple months back, I got used to seeing continual warnings (which I pretty much ignored) and was not loving my daily readings, so I took a break from Tarot for a bit. When I decided to take head of the Tarot advice and transition into a new phase/make changes, I came back to reading my cards and it's been lovely.

  At the start of each season, I feel sure IT is my favorite. Seasons are each so beautiful, in their own right, as they're just getting going! Spring is just breathtaking. All the blooming purples, blues, pinks and bright leafy greens. Everything coming to life again and breaking out of Winter's dark slumber.

   Nettles have been happening in a big way and I made this nettle and lemon cake with blackberries. It was delicious and pretty spring green.

  I have no pictures to dazzle you with, proving how wonderful the lunar eclipse or full pink moon was. Take my word for it, the moon was stunning. It was a joy being able to actually see the lunar eclipse. It's usually far too overcast here. I've only ever seen a slight bit of past lunar eclipses through the layers of misty-ness. Saturday I saw the blood moon eclipse in perfect clarity and it made my head spin. Then came the full moon which was bright and bold. April's full moon is know as the Pink moon (or Hare moon) and it represents the verdant spring and fertility. That moon lit up the sky.

  I stayed up all night. In the morning I wrote incoherent poetry and ate raspberries with cream for breakfast.  xo m

Mermaids

  I have been deeply obsessed with Mermaids for the last 6 weeks or so. My final project for creative writing was developing, revising, discussing and editing a short fiction piece and mine ended up being about Mermaids. I was deep in it and I loved it. The altered state of creating (being the conduit that brings a story to life) is better than almost anything. I've had the idea (and many false starts) stored in my memory for about 6 months and I think the piece is just now moving in the direction of what it needs become, idealistically. In my experience, stories need to figure themselves out. I just translate as the information is revealed to me. I love that about writing. It's mysterious and magical. It breaks my heart and quietly puts it back together.

   I've been actively daydreaming about picnics a ton and listening to Father John Misty around the clock. Boy, did he ever annoy me last year. His new album came out on double vinyl 45 and I was into the cover art so I impulsively bought it and spent a whole day falling way head over heels in love with it. Ladies, the words... Holy Moly, his wife is one lucky lady cuz that poetry is some deep and heavy stuff. I felt moved and really cool with clinging to my romantic ideals. I thought, "See, true romantics do exist!"

 I've been taking the little miss nettle hunting. She's a natural, hasn't been stung yet. The plants, they love her. She can find what we're looking for before I spot them. Her innocent spirit, a beacon, to all those skittish green fairies.

 These trees! The things they've seen. I enjoy their presence and imagine their origins and history.

  Last week I sat in dwindling sunlight with a Libra-Wood Tigress sister (you guys, I have finally found a birthday twin! It's amazing!!). The sand was warm on top and chilled beneath. Our babes played and argued at the waters edge. In that moment, it all felt so damn fine. Everything calm and chill. I was comfortable in my own skin,  and my heart was full of adoration for my darling friend. The breeze carried sounds of our fiery children bickering. It was all enough.

   My dreams have been wild & intense. Recurrent dreams of myself walking through an unknown and icy forest with a dark wolf by my side. The wolf is fierce but calming. I'm visited night after night by this spirit wolf. It's pretty wonderful. I wake up feeling energetically charged and alert. I feel like the wolf is a male, or could represent a mortal man. Maybe the wolf is showing me the strength I feel in independence or illustrating my innate survival mode? Perhaps he represents freedom and the removal of obstacles/the ending of a relationship?  I wonder what Freud and Jung would say... Honestly, I mostly wonder what Freud would say... I'm just into Freudian ideology. How did that happen?

  When I read my cards, the 10 of cups and the high priestess come up a lot. It feels good and opening. I appreciate the abundance of energy and believe that inward reflection and awareness will lead to a path illuminated with golden light.
  I'm trying not to force and shape my way down the path I'm traveling, I want to proceed as it unfolds before me. Bright and beautiful. xo m

poppies, puppy & wheels...

  ...these things have been most on my mind (and work work work, dreams of relocation and romance but let's start small!). Mars retrograde brought some financially laden changes that, while painful (STRESS time!) to work through, were ultimately for the best. At times I have to be careful what I verbalize and put out there to the universe because ultimately it comes to pass but in a difficult, seemingly "Why is this happening to me!!" way.
  I have been saying for months that I want to shift the bulk of my work onto etsy/ebay. I have two retail spaces (in different vintage co-ops) that I pay rent and a percentage of sales on and the income can be good at times but inconsistent and the overhead is high. Lately the sales and customers even coming into the shops has been bad and the owner has no interest in advertising or improving the aesthetic or "branding". He just wants to collect his cash. Etsy has it's own woes but the overhead is low. So I've been working on listing more everyday and voila, etsy sales are up.
  And then there's the car. I was gifted an older mercedes a couple years ago and it's been a pain and just not "me" in the car dept. I felt weird in it. I would think back longingly to my old volvos (years ago I had a 1978 green 240 wagon and a 1984 white sedan).  When my car died a couple weeks ago, I ended up getting lucky on craigslist and now I have another volvo wagon.

  It's pretty sweet. I felt like such a responsible adult (really not my forte in the cars and bills dept) going and getting tabs, insurance and an oil change.

  This little pup, Viggo Mortensen, is getting bigger but he's still the littlest dog in town. On our outings, we've only met one pup (a teacup chihuahua puppy), that he is bigger than. He likes to chew stinky bones and be wherever I am at all times. Viggo is my little shadow. I adore him but at times (5am) I curse myself for taking on another family member. Now that my daughter's allergies are pretty under control and she is blissfully sleeping through the night, I go ahead and add a puppy to the mix and yeah, he barks and whines in the night and gets up at 5am EVERYDAY. oh boy... He's a sweetheart though and everyone (except for the scroogiest of Seattle folks) smile and dote on him. He makes people happy and light just by his magical, tiny, cuteness!

 Poppies are popping. The jumbo ones, the little fluttery ones, the ones with crinkled edges...

 and eggshells getting crushed to be fed back to my chickens with their corn and snacks to add calcium and built strong shells.

 oh little lovely California poppies. I never knew there was any other kind when I was a kid growing up in Southern California. These orange poppies were everywhere including lining I-5 for mile after mile.

 Gathered flowers from our evening stroll. My gal fills bowls and bowls.

oh and Hello there Mr Gary Oldman at your finest! Swoon! The other day I was feeling a little lonesome and needing a dose of heady deep romance. I had happily discovered Bram Stoker's Dracula was added to netflix so I watched it and was instantly revived and feel content to be single until I find my own sweet prince.

  I just want a dashing, mysterious man with a thick accent who has "crossed oceans of time" to find me. No big deal, sounds reasonable... I'd better get started on that "hopeless romantic" stick n poke tattoo now. haha... Tomorrow finds me slinging vintage clothes and chatting w sweet ladies from Seattle and all around the world all day long. I'll be working on a new zine in my downtime. I think the first zine I've made in over a decade! Zine revival babies! I'd love to be a part of the return of snail mail and more printed words in hand. xo m

puppy

  On Wednesday our sweet little puppy came to live with us. Viggo is so tiny and only 8 weeks old. A friend of ours rescued him and his sisters from an animal hoarder when they were only 4 weeks old. Unfortunately My gal came down with a nasty virus (stomach ache, sore throat) on Friday and a few hours later I was feeling it too so now we are sick again. I'm grateful puppy is pretty chill and as active as he can be in brief bursts, he does sleep a lot. Right now I have very little energy and I've noticed that the colds and such of this winter have a lot of accompanying body aches. woe is me woe is us. This had better be the last cold of the season!

 We've had so many conversations with neighbors and met lots of new people when we're out with pup. It's like having a celebrity on a leash, the pup-arazzi are everywhere!! I've never had a dog before, it's a completely different experience from my years of cat companionship. I honestly would've never even considered a dog but my gal is very allergic to cats and wanted an animal friend she could touch and play with. Having a pup is a bit like having a baby. And I don't know the first thing about potty training or any of that, learning as I go so any tips or links would be very appreciated!

 I found this cute mug at the thrift store the other day. I love it. I'm doing well staying away from the coffee. I've had 1 chai and only a couple green teas in the last week. I've been drinking dandelion root tea in the morning and nettle/mint in the afternoon.

 Egg production is way up and egg eating is way down. The kids are over eggs in every form.

  

  More than ever, I'm suffering from the city blues. I love Seattle but I no longer feel like I need to be in the city and in the midst of all this activity. The longing for country life is so strong. A little cabin, a trailer, a school bus, on a bit of land... For now, we are here. I have a teenager in high school and I am committed to having him finish here, he would be devastated if we moved now. Still, when I dream, I'm in the country.

Now, it's time to put on a coat and take this pup out for a walk. xo m

daffodils, cherry blossoms, moss, worms and chicken eggs

  Spring spring spring.... I am soooo happy that it's been (mostly) over 60 degrees and sunny the last few days. Daffodils are everywhere, walks through the park are a lot less slippery and muddy, cherry blossoms are in bloom in some places-still waiting to open in others, my dormant herbs in pots are growing fuzzy moss and little leaves to signal their return, and I keep finding worms in the garden beds (and they are sneaking into the basement!).... This afternoon, the warm air on my bare arms as I did a little work outside was so magically powerful. I could feel myself standing taller, unfurling like a flower. I didn't have to huddle into myself for warmth. I tidied up in the chicken coop and did a thorough clean up on the front porch, even painted an old wood chair the perfect shade of melted strawberry ice cream pink.

   Beware, the moss is everywhere, slick underfoot and waiting to get you as you skip out the door in the morning. My little lady and I have both fell flat onto our butts a few times this week.

 Miss Pensive... Two seconds before she was singing the Frozen song (I now cringe... it's everywhere!) and imitating the ice queen and I said, "I want to take your picture as you think about nature.". She's really thinking here. Then my gal said "I don't think Mother Earth likes this trash people left on her, we should pick it up!" so we picked up some trash by the trail.

 Spring cleaning has been happening in a big way. I'm trying to figure out how I need to be eating. I've been trying so many different things since my little one was born. The last 5 years have been a constant flux. No one can keep up with my dietary changes. I think back to when I felt the healthiest and like I was getting the most out of food (and not using it as an addiction-um, I've mentioned my caffeine and sugar dependency many times) and that was when I was vegan. I'm working on vegan, gluten free, minimal nightshades, no refined sugar, and only green tea allowed for now to see how my body responds. Sounds fun, right? I've been doing this since Monday (and have had only a few sugar slips cuz it's in EVERYTHING!) and I feel good, different. Totally different energetically. I have a real ethical conflict when it comes to eating animals. I'm not one to push my ideals onto others (haha, anymore!) and preach, it just bums really me out when I eat animal products. I love animals so much, I've always felt a real connection to them. I feel this lightness and openness when I'm eating vegan. It's transformative for me and I kind of forgot that.

 Eggs! All the hens are laying everyday! It's nuts. 5 eggs a day. Even Sadie, who is almost 4, has started laying and she hasn't given me an egg in probably 9 months. No one wants to eat them. I've never been a fan of eating eggs (especially after one of my hens, Cinnamon, got one stuck and I had to... assist.) and the kids are super sick of eggs in all forms. I'm gifting a bunch to some lovely ladies tomorrow. There are at least 3 dozen in the fridge!

    It's sunny and warm in the mudroom, dry on the rickety porch and steps.

 

 Spring Equinox is on the 20th and that also marks the end of the funkiness that has been caused by mars in retrograde. I've been having the weirdest dreams and poor sleep. For some reason my cat has decided he needs to vigorously scratch the bedroom door at 3am every morning. When I open the door he runs and hides. He's not over being banished from the bedroom at all.

  The moon is so stunning tonight. My digital camera did little to convey her mysteries. xo m

finding balance...

   I'm not sure if you know this about me but I used to go out a lot. I sang in a band, I was a total social (boy crazy) butterfly. Really.  Every fri & sat and probably tues or thursday, at least 3 or 4 times a week, every week. I find it hard to believe (in my current sleep deprived mama state) that I ever had that kind of stamina. I envisioned my 20-something social life as an ever swinging Great Gatsby-esque revel, but in reality it had moments much more akin to the movie Hysterical Blindness. In my 20s, I could never imagine a time when I wouldn't want to be at every "it" party, art show or performance. My bestie and I would vow that it'd never change! We'd always be at the center of every party. Her ex boyfriend used to say, "You just have to get the EDIE out of you first." referring of course to doomed socialite Edie Sedgwick. Well guys, the Edie is officially out of me.

   In the last couple months I've been doing a little experiment. I've been going out. Once a week, every saturday, as my little one is at her Papa's (and I usually just stream shows or movies until my eyes are popping out!). I have come to realize that my tastes in nightlife have certainly changed. I do not like people with boozy breathe talking loudly in my face or stepping on my toes on the dance floor. I enjoy going dancing, but I think my going out vibe can be saved for once every one or two months unless there is something really special happening (a sci-fi theme birthday-see blade runner makeup above... or holiday party that can't be missed). I miss playing music and my son and I are turning part of our basement into a practice area for our future musical projects.
   The cycle of change is an interesting animal. As I grow and explore and discover myself, the things that bring me joy have certainly changed. Obviously, hanging out in bars (since I no longer drink at all) isn't much fun. I do enjoy staying up very late on occasion, but not so much when I'm out and about. My favorite late nights are spent at home lost deep in the depths of a creative project, sewing dresses, purses or working on my book. Day times are spent immersed in the domestic arts (baking, mending, writing, homesteading, herbal studies and of course there's always that four letter word, WORK). Truly most of the activities that bring me happiness are solitary pursuits. I've found myself feeling a little isolated in the last year. It has been a grand period of growth and development but I am a deeply social creature at my core and I miss the artistic/social community I was once a part of. But everything feels so different because I am so different now.

  This months marks 18 months of abstinence from alcohol (and 2 years since I re-entered the single mama path) In the last 2 years I have done so much work on myself and our family life. I want to create a safe, ever nurturing environment for my kids. I want to seek out only loving relationships. 2 years ago, I wasn't feeling too spiritually or emotionally healthy. Not only my romantic relationship, but many so called "friends", were pretty toxic. In the process of untangling myself from unhealthy emotional ties I have also come to realize that it is very integral to my well being to help others. Mother Earth, animals, people. I need to radiate calm and love and ask myself  "Am I being helpful, am I being kind" many times a day in order to stay on the path. It is more important to try and figure out how I may be of use to others in a healthy way instead of ever asking how will this help me. Self seeking is something that seems such a part of our society (at least in the city) and moving away from that selfishness feels so good!  Working towards balance and finding my place within a new sort of healthy, creative community is part of my daily work. A big part of that community is the friendship with wonderful ladies I have "met" through this blog. There are so many sweet and kindred spirits out there connected and found through an internet spiders web.

  Growing up in a tumultuous environment left me to have an anxious constitution always fearing the worst would happen. I'm trying to retrain myself and gradually my anxiety and fear of future things is lessening. Now when I have a panic attack it's a big deal and extra freaky snce it happens so infrequently. Panic used to be a daily constant. I'm also working on finding the silver linings... My sewing machine broke a few months ago (and I haven't the money to buy another right now) so I moped about it for a week and then just picked up my needle and started hand sewing and I'm really into it. I've been making these little drawstring purses out of antique and vintage fabric (cutting into antique quilt remnants). The bags are just the right size for tarot cards. So far I'm making them for special friends but they will make their way into the shop this spring.
  Now I'm off to be a busy worker bee and take pics for the shops and then hopefully hunt out some magical nettles beneath the trees. Happy Sunday friends! xo m