Thursday, July 11, 2013

the path will be illuminated...

   The last few months there's been a bee (or a hive) buzzing around in my head. I feel as if I'm standing at a crossroads of sorts. A major life, kind of, what now, what next! wave of feeling. I feel like life is so much different now. In the last year I've devoted my life to health (physical, mental), complete sobriety, simplification of things (getting rid of things that aren't essential or beloved in our home-there was a lot of clutter before-thrifters can relate!), less consumerism, no more reckless spending... I feel like the fog and cobwebs are clearing and I'm not so sure Seattle even feels like home to me anymore. Plus, It just keeps getting more and more expensive around here. I am, by nature, discontented, but it's hard to truly love a city when you have so many memories tied to previous relationships that were unpleasant.
  Honestly, I've wanted to just convert a bus/camper/trailer into a dreamy little traveling home for some time. I think about it all the time. Pages like this only fuel the fire! Sadly, my teenager is not into living off the grid on a bus with Mama and little sis. He's so into city life  (as I was when I was a teen)! The city just fills me with anxiety these days. It's no longer what I crave.
  I go to bed at night and have the craziest dreams! Some feel like a crazy carnival, scramble of thoughts and others feel totally prophetic. I'm sifting through the thoughts and trying to achieve a balance between real possibilities and super duper dreamtime... I meditate and ask for the path to appear clearly. Or for myself to feel calm and content, for if I am truly healthy shouldn't my setting be inconsequential??
    Thankfully there are delightful summer fruits to enjoy, I hope to pick blueberries tomorrow with my little ones.  Today, there will be jam making and exploring the wilds of our backyard, trying to tame it somewhat. Waiting for a sign... xo m

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