Tuesday, February 17, 2015


  Right now, I'm feeling lovely, all rosey, bright and optimistic. I'm in typical new moon, list making, manifesting mode. My sleep has been better and I've began cutting my coffee with decaf. I always teased my Grandma for doing 1/2 caff but I get it now! I am a quantity person so my coffee has to be less powerful. I accept it.
  Last week we had the flu. The dr thinks so. Whatever was going on, felt terrible.  I was ridiculously tired and out of it. For 2 days I just laid about. I felt intense delirium whenever my gal summoned me (for juice, popsicles, to refill the hot water bottle or put a new movie on). I watched Crow 1 & 2 (2 was so so bad but the outfits were pretty 90s amazing), and season 6 or Parenthood. It was a foggy daze of senseless streaming... My dog makes a pretty sweet bed buddy/hot water bottle. Viggo Mortensen was surprisingly low maintenance during the sickness. I had all this homework to do. I did it, but the writing and my analytical powers were totally haywire. I turned in some goofy papers. I posted incoherent responses to online discussions. I dragged myself to piano class to poorly play an 8 second composition because my piano teacher does not allow make up tests ever and it was a midterm. I felt pissed off and burdened by school and then I decided I don't want to go to school anymore. And then I felt free. I felt elation. I tired it. I did not like it. I think working full time, being a full time single mama and going to school full time is pretty much impossible for anyone. I cracked halfway through my first quarter.
   My little dalliance with academia did illustrate a thing or two. I have realized that I can make daily time for reading & writing (probably not the 4-5 hours daily I have been doing) and I can do whatever I want to do! I can change my mind at anytime about anything I want cuz I'm an adult, the Queen of my own reality and damn it, life should be fun! And right now I want life to feel more bohemian, artsy, freewheeling and less stodgy/rule laden. Ladies, let's party...
 ooooooh and during the sickness I did knit while watching bad movies. A new hat for my little dove is almost totally complete.

   So, let me put on my rose-tinted glasses and admit that I'm pretty smitten. I'm in such a state of delicious adoration. This guy, my boyfriend, really is the bees knees. I don't think I've ever been so consistently non-annoyed and blissfully calm and chill around someone ever. I do think that I've grown a lot and changed and am more self aware now than ever before (blah blah blah) but I also believe my guy to be a jewel of a human. He is stunning.
   On Valentines Day my sweetheart showed up with a box of chocolates and tools. My house is quirky (ie falling apart) and there are a lot of issues. The busted/drippy pipes under the sink needed some attention. Oh, I do like a man, wielding tools, who can fix things. I could get used to this... I feel truly seen (envisioned by another person as I want to be seen and also seen for who I really am) by him. Honestly, I feel like I shouldn't even jinx myself by talking about our romance much. Love can be such a delicate animal. I don't need to figure it out, I'm happy to simply be in it.

      I was also given the most miserable and disturbing children's book I've ever seen. This book is full of freaky dead body illustrations and detailed descriptions of the plague (so goth!) and it was my man's when he was a kid. One of my areas of interest is the darker parts of history. I can't help it. I'm Gothic through & through.
    I'm sitting here drinking coffee and eating a successful gluten free banana bread that I made myself. I'll post the recipe next time (it's tasty and not sandy or overly dense-hooray!). The sun is blazing a pretend springtime day outside. Time to walk Viggo and there is a little hill of towels in front of me waiting to be folded, chickens angrily wanting out of the coop, a yard in hopeless disarray, my retail space (that's been so neglected) needs attention and yes some more homework that must be done. It's all ok. I'll do it all. The sunshine makes it extra alright. xo m

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