Monday, March 18, 2013

spring gloom...

  Spring is slowly coming, hanging on the dragging heels of winter. All day long it's lights on, lights off, lights on, lights off. I carry a sweater, my coat, umbrella & sunglasses. But when the sun does slip out from behind those grey clouds, I feel the purest energy vibrate within me. I feel happy. The end of February and early March are the toughest months for my poor little depressive self. I'm taking a handful of different vitamin /herbal supplements, swilling all sorts of teas, modifying my diet and still my mind wanders into these terrible dark corners. I have to sit in my sadness carefully and observe it, be in it without letting it pull me under, into it's murky depths completely... This time of year my best friend and I have long phone conversations about how irrationally angry we get with annoying strangers and how little we feel. It's the medication consideration time of year. bleck... I hate the thoughts of taking pills and usually would never consider it. I know that when I think fleeting thoughts of anti-depressants that spring it nearly bursting through the door. If you're in my club, you get me and understand, right?
 I'm working on perfecting a chai recipe with fresh ginger. If you have any loved recipes please share. It's hard to get ones with the spices just right. I love chai heavy on the ginger and cardamom...
 crystals, candles, incense and meditation. If I was able to set aside the time every day for this I'm sure my heart would be blooming. I have the best intentions but there are just so many other people, creatures & things that demand my attention. Tomorrow I will sit silently, first thing upon waking at 6:30am and simply listen...
 So this goth gloom doth run in the family blood. Last weekend it was so sunny and my son said "Let's go to a new cemetery!". We're doing a little tour of any and every cemetery we can find. 3 down...
Sunday's  tulips and a hyacinth (we are allergic to her sweet smelling ness!).
  And then there's these little ladies. More on them soon... I was contemplating getting more chickens and then I saw Black Australorps at the feed store and pretty much obsessed on them hard until i went back 48 hours later. Little chicks are the cutest things!!
  Today did bring the sun and I  was able to get some weeding and clearing done in the garden. We have some big garden projects planned for this weekend. I never feel closer to the Goddess than when I am digging into the earth or tending sweet little creatures. I need to concentrate on that truth and keep my hands busy improving our outdoor space.
   One year ago my partner of several years moved out and last year I hadn't the time or energy to accomplish much outside. I can't believe I have been doing this single (and not gone on a single date even!) mama to 2,  expanded my business (with 2 new retail spaces) and writing so much for a whole year...  It's crazy. It feels good to be self reliant and "free" but at times I miss things like watching movies or (gasp) brunch with a love. I have my little loves and all our plants and animals and projects galore and I have goals. Buying land/a home, an old pickup truck and rabbits and goats. This is all gonna happen but where? xo m

1 comment:

  1. I like all your future dreams keep focusing on them...I am building a pen for goats this weekend and then chickens :) and hmmmm an old pickup truck sounds fabulous I think we share dreams a little hehehe~ Keep looking ahead before you know it the sun will be shining and warm ~Love Heather


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