Saturday, September 25, 2010

sometimes there are dark clouds...

  I've always fought to keep depression away and the last few years have been the best, with only very occasional black clouds rolling in. Anyone who feels depression knows the "nothingness" that wraps around you, the lack of interest, the removal from life... It's like watching a movie and not being able to participate. Stuck on a non-feeling island of solitude...It sucks. Nowadays, a little spell comes on after I've exerted myself emotionally and/or physically and it happens so infrequently that when it does, it feels awful because I'm not used to it. So anyway, I have been taking a break from this space, haven't been feeling like sharing. Been feeling the melancholy and bummer "why bother" feelings...
  I started this blog because I thought it would be an easy way to keep a sort of journal and pictures together. I am an old school zine writer grrl and missed the community and strong friendships I made with other zine writers, and had hoped that the blog community would be something like that for me as well. But the blog world is SO BIG (and dare I say, clique-ish) and it seems like real connections are extremely difficult to come by on the internets. I've come across some really amazing blogs by, what I see as kindred spirits, but it hasn't gone any further than that. Sometimes I wonder if anyone even reads this. But ultimately the reason I do this is for me. To preserve a record of days and life.
  Honestly, I'm feeling more cheerful and more myself. I'm sure the doldrums weren't helped by a slow moving anti-climatic cold (which I had thought was allergies). Today my heart is bright and I'm going to work on my studio space, some short stories and work on a zine again (is there even a zine marketplace anymore? I have no idea??).
   Oh my little lady loves bunnies! I do too. These little grey babies were so very sweet. I think next spring I'd like to build a little rabbit hutch for a pair of rabbit friends. I have to hold myself back because there are so many projects I want to do on/with this space we live in but we are only renting and will be trying to buy a home (hopefully a big out of town farmish spread with lots of space) and moving a zillion animal friends and their homes will be hard.
  Not even trying to preserve the lawn, I like the dandelions, they're happy. And the chickens love to eat the dandelion greens. Speaking of this, The chickens love grass and dandelion leaves, they won't eat lettuce or kale I offer but go crazy over grass and dandelions. Well, there's PLENTY of that...
  Happy weekend! I'm looking forward to some quiet time with my littles and finishing up a quilting project.


  1. I read ya, grrl. So sorry to hear you're feeling down! We should hang out. Xo

  2. Gosh, I miss zines! Sorry you haven't been feeling shiny. It happens to most interesting people. :)

    Your bunnies are the cutest. We are renters after 10 years of home ownership and it is hard to balance how much to put into a temporary situation. We would LOVE a more permanent space with lots of land and furry friends, too.

    Hoping your week is filled with happiness and peace.

  3. I read your blog, and I love it!
    I'm Jess, a friend of Leilani's, and I enjoy the sweet satisfaction your blog conveys.
    If ever you feel like a new blog to read, you should check out mine at
    thanks for your honesty: )

  4. mim-thank you, we should get together for sure! fb me...
    sara, wish those were our bunnies-nope just visiting the ones at the feedstore, soon though... i'm feeling much sunnier! we should all start a zine revival!!
    jess, thanks! i'm always lookin for new blogs to love! hi to leilani!

    yr comments were all so sweet! xo

  5. i read this. and i would read your zine too. i appreciate your photos and a glimpse into your life! xo


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