I've always fought to keep depression away and the last few years have been the best, with only very occasional black clouds rolling in. Anyone who feels depression knows the "nothingness" that wraps around you, the lack of interest, the removal from life... It's like watching a movie and not being able to participate. Stuck on a non-feeling island of solitude...It sucks. Nowadays, a little spell comes on after I've exerted myself emotionally and/or physically and it happens so infrequently that when it does, it feels awful because I'm not used to it. So anyway, I have been taking a break from this space, haven't been feeling like sharing. Been feeling the melancholy and bummer "why bother" feelings...
I started this blog because I thought it would be an easy way to keep a sort of journal and pictures together. I am an old school zine writer grrl and missed the community and strong friendships I made with other zine writers, and had hoped that the blog community would be something like that for me as well. But the blog world is SO BIG (and dare I say, clique-ish) and it seems like real connections are extremely difficult to come by on the internets. I've come across some really amazing blogs by, what I see as kindred spirits, but it hasn't gone any further than that. Sometimes I wonder if anyone even reads this. But ultimately the reason I do this is for me. To preserve a record of days and life.
Honestly, I'm feeling more cheerful and more myself. I'm sure the doldrums weren't helped by a slow moving anti-climatic cold (which I had thought was allergies). Today my heart is bright and I'm going to work on my studio space, some short stories and work on a zine again (is there even a zine marketplace anymore? I have no idea??).
Happy weekend! I'm looking forward to some quiet time with my littles and finishing up a quilting project.