Saturday, January 11, 2014

to the lighthouse...

  There have been some pretty wonderful sunrises lately. We live waaaay across the city so on school days we leave our house in blackness and are rewarded with a sunrise halfway through our journey.
   I've been thinking a lot about fear and how it can be a real roadblock to this beautiful life of being in the now that I want to keep having. Fear, for me, pushes me into this weird past or future space. I ruminate over scary things that have actually happened (like when my sons appendix ruptured 5 years ago) or invent terrifying scenarios (what if.....?) that seem real and possible.  I was talking with a friend yesterday morning about wanting to work through my fear thing... I said, "I really want to let go of fear, I don't want it to hang onto me.". Sometimes when I state an intention with conviction, it's as if I am heard and challenged by the universe or given an opportunity to practice what I preach. 
  We had a really scary incident yesterday. My daughter and I had a little coffee date yesterday morning, we went to a coffee shop that I go to many times a week. My gal got a chocolate covered graham cracker (we've had them dozens of times) and after she started nibbling it she handed it to me and said "It tastes bad, what's in it?",  I saw there was a layer of something under the chocolate and then smelled it, peanut butter. My daughter has many allergies but for peanut and sesame seeds we have an epi-pen. An epi-pen I was unable to use because my 60 pound daughter fought me like crazy. We got to meet some cool firemen, take a ride to the hospital in an ambulance and ended up home shortly after getting benadryl and a positive evaluation in the ER...

   And since the epi-pen isn't really a viable option for our anaphylaxis plan, I will now have benadryl in my purse... My little one was so calm (until she saw the epi-pen!) and collected. I was ridiculously freaked out but managed to pull myself together pretty quickly and I didn't cry at all, which is one of my normal reactions when I'm frightened. I was able to move on and adjust to the day.
  After a quick snack it was time to get out in the pre-stormy weather for a twilight adventure. There are so many lovely parks in Seattle but Discovery Park is one of the biggest and has a little lighthouse! The walk to the lighthouse is pretty long but if you have a little one they let you drive down.
   The beach was deserted and perfectly blustery in a magical Pacific Northwestern way. There are many houses (some boarded up and uninhabitable, others refurbished and rented) on the way to the lighthouse and 2 haunted looking ones right by it.

   And then, after we stopped at whole foods for sparkling water, my little lady really wanted to look at all the rodents at the new petco. She kind of has rodent fever. There may be a hamster friend in the near future.
  At home, there was pizza for dinner, we played Kate Bush records all evening and spent time organizing the upstairs of the wooden play barn. I  made tiny sleeping bags and even tinier pillows for the two inch long babies that live in the loft of the barn. Before she fell asleep my little one said "Today was the best day ever!!" and it was so true! xo m

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