Thursday, April 18, 2013

birds of a feather...

  Life is so different than it was a little over a year ago.  I decided to make many other changes when I chose to separate from my long time partner (the breakup went into motion on Valentines Day 2012). Somewhere there's a list but I'm not sure where... But mainly I wanted to live the life I'd always dreamed of living. I don't think it's impossible to live the life of your wildest dreams! You just have to start small and keep working towards the goal(s) until you get there. I find that if I live in love, understanding and honesty a lot of the petty things that used to get to me slip away. I have bad days and am ever working on restraining my tongue (from lashing out, gossip, negative talk...) or feeling the need to "protect myself" by standing up to someone when it would serve me better to just not engage and walk away... Breaking a lifetime of negative patterns is hard, but it's getting easier for me as time passes.
   I used to get bummed out that I was in a sad relationship or had flaky friends but the only thing I really have the ability to work on/change is myself and my actions so when I chose to distance myself from unhealthy relationships and work on myself (an acquaintance, years ago, was always saying he was doing personal work on himself and oh how I used to laugh but I totally see what he meant now!),  explore my spirituality, meditate, write everyday, stop drinking/going to bars...
  The last year and especially the last 6 months have been truly astounding in the friend department! My two best friends are my amazing children. And it's so lovely to spend time with them and have my focus be fully on them and no longer trying to hold together a flailing almost marriage. I do regret that the last couple years were less than picturesque between my ex and I. I feel sad that they had to see/hear our immature arguing or sullen silences... There are now so many new women in my life that I don't even have enough time to adequately devote to them all. Sisterly and wonderful! Strong and powerful thinkers, makers, artists, homesteaders, writers, mamas... I feel lucky to have so many friendships in my city that it, at times, feels small as I bump into this dazzling woman or that on a daily basis. It makes me crazy happy to have a life so happy and full. I feel that nurturing my own spirit and getting to an emotionally healthy place has opened the doors for these new friends to be able to find me.
 I want to always feel deeply that love has no quantity. It's limitless, won't run out if you give it away. There will always be enough love for everyone, no need to hide it away and refuse to share.
 I love to sit on the beach and daydream about mermaids (somethings never change) and underwater worlds. My Son assures me that these things are (theoretically) real, just in an alternate dimension. Everything exists in it's own place/time...
  The other day as we were building rock towers, it was so calm and peaceful and  I reflected back to something Milla mentioned as we were picking nettles that morning. About how unhappiness or discontent or not loving oneself (something like that, right?) can be contagious. And I remembered back, years ago, living in that state, feeling not well and being around others who were mentally or spiritually sick and how that negativity can grow... I feel extremely grateful that now I am surrounded by contagious brightness, beauty, laughter, love and general goodness. I feel such sparkling, powerful vibrations from the kindness and thoughtful nature of my friends and family!
 That beach was just full of so many nice, round, flat stones! Good smooth pieces created on/in earth.
Thank you to my little ones, sweet lady friends, new friends, soon to be friends and friends I'm just discovering. Your light has me aglow. So much LOVE! xoxo m


  1. So true. You are such a sweet lil (but tall ; ) lady and I can't wait to experience your lovely life soon.


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