Saturday, November 10, 2012

paint it black...

  Have I used that title before? Probably... I feel like I'm swimming in a sea of transition right now. I made it a goal, many months ago, the be willing to follow change and stop resisting (as was my way for, oh, my entire life!) and it is bringing new things and good changes and goals etc... but every so often I just feel this intense emotional melt down-ness! I slip into my mind and stay in, this time my black mood comes on during my little ones first illness of many months (my emo-sesh was probably brought on by pms, lack of sleep and stress over her...). I keep trying to just pretend I'm oh so light and happy, little miss positive cuz sooner or later I'll start to become that if I emulate it hard enough... Or the black clouds will pack up and sweep away once my hormones level out. The annoyance and disdain I feel for other people is so consuming it's embarrassing to admit... So yeah, holding onto John Waters "Role Models" and soothing my senses with Vampire Diaries streaming until I feel a bit more sunny.  Gimme a few days and it will pass... xo m


  1. sorry to hear but boy do I understand, we have been in transition the last year with my hubbies job up in the air and him not finding permanent work it has been hard functioning in limbo. But we finally stopped mopping around and decided to stop living like our life was on hold. I think sometimes when we find our selves in the doldrums life is waiting for us and we just need to take a few steps in faith and it meets us there. We still don't have any answers for our future yet. But are back to smiling and enjoying life. Wishing you much joy in the now and enough for happiness later as well ~Love Heather

  2. Oh Heather, so true!! I have the hardest time admitting i can't completely control EVERYTHING! Sometimes my willingness to follow guidance and see opportunities is poor. I truly need to work on my faith and have been. I spend a long time last night meditating and trying to let go of my cares and I woke up today feeling sooooo much better! :) xo

  3. awww. i hope your baby gets better and that the clouds clear. i have been struggling with a heavy heart for most of this year and am only just now starting to rise from the ashes. sending you lots of mama love from california. <3


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