Honesty is the beast policy... Our spring has been so slow to come, winter went on and on... I have been feeling so blue and anxious. I've been out of this space waiting for test after test to come back, thinking maybe I had hyperthyroidism and what that would mean... all tests came back good and I (and my thyroid) are fine. I've been making a real effort to eat super healthy and avoid my allergens (dairy and wheat-so so hard!!), no alcohol, no caffeine (green tea on occasion) no refined sugars... going to yoga, laying in the sun when it peeks out, working on garden projects... I'm starting to feel better, well starting to feel not terrible.
Depression and anxiety are emptiness-I don't really feel anything. There's just this shadow over me, disconnected blackness. The awful bleakness of looking at strangers as they smile and laugh, I'm thinking, "how can they be so happy, don't they feel how terrible everything is?" It's a big fight to pull myself out of it. Every year (around March) I think, "That's it, we're moving back to California. No more Northwest darkness" and then it becomes spring and I feel better. This year... I don't think it's even spring yet (and here we are nearly in summer). It seems like fall.
Finally getting to know my ukulele a bit. I love that it's so small and portable. I can tune it myself and that is a big achievement! Off to dig up weeds. and maybe hit a few yard sales in a bit... xo m
Depression and anxiety are emptiness-I don't really feel anything. There's just this shadow over me, disconnected blackness. The awful bleakness of looking at strangers as they smile and laugh, I'm thinking, "how can they be so happy, don't they feel how terrible everything is?" It's a big fight to pull myself out of it. Every year (around March) I think, "That's it, we're moving back to California. No more Northwest darkness" and then it becomes spring and I feel better. This year... I don't think it's even spring yet (and here we are nearly in summer). It seems like fall.
this weather has been so hard, i know exactly how you feel. it's like it's spring for a day and then right back to fall again. i too say the same thing every year about moving back to california, i can't live on so little sun. i know so much of feeling bad has to do with the climate we live in. i don't have an answer, but just know you're not alone. xo
ReplyDeletemindy~ I am just catching up on blogs as life has been crazy here ( seriously) but I wanted you to know you are in my thoughts. much love and happy days to you~ sara
ReplyDeleteoh and i love your new ukelele!
ReplyDeletethanks ladies!! <3
ReplyDeleteI have been sort of (obviously) out of the loop as well. catch up time...
xoxo m