puppy

  On Wednesday our sweet little puppy came to live with us. Viggo is so tiny and only 8 weeks old. A friend of ours rescued him and his sisters from an animal hoarder when they were only 4 weeks old. Unfortunately My gal came down with a nasty virus (stomach ache, sore throat) on Friday and a few hours later I was feeling it too so now we are sick again. I'm grateful puppy is pretty chill and as active as he can be in brief bursts, he does sleep a lot. Right now I have very little energy and I've noticed that the colds and such of this winter have a lot of accompanying body aches. woe is me woe is us. This had better be the last cold of the season!

 We've had so many conversations with neighbors and met lots of new people when we're out with pup. It's like having a celebrity on a leash, the pup-arazzi are everywhere!! I've never had a dog before, it's a completely different experience from my years of cat companionship. I honestly would've never even considered a dog but my gal is very allergic to cats and wanted an animal friend she could touch and play with. Having a pup is a bit like having a baby. And I don't know the first thing about potty training or any of that, learning as I go so any tips or links would be very appreciated!

 I found this cute mug at the thrift store the other day. I love it. I'm doing well staying away from the coffee. I've had 1 chai and only a couple green teas in the last week. I've been drinking dandelion root tea in the morning and nettle/mint in the afternoon.

 Egg production is way up and egg eating is way down. The kids are over eggs in every form.

  

  More than ever, I'm suffering from the city blues. I love Seattle but I no longer feel like I need to be in the city and in the midst of all this activity. The longing for country life is so strong. A little cabin, a trailer, a school bus, on a bit of land... For now, we are here. I have a teenager in high school and I am committed to having him finish here, he would be devastated if we moved now. Still, when I dream, I'm in the country.

Now, it's time to put on a coat and take this pup out for a walk. xo m

where I've been...

  I've been away from this space for two weeks! I do try to keep my blog somewhat light and bright but I need to explain a bit of what's been going on with me. A few weeks ago I went through an "episode" of really terrible abdominal pain (plus a host of other fun symptoms- I'll spare u all the deats...). For days I was laying in bed with a hot water bottle, pain pills not helping, curled up in a ball crying because it was a level of pain so excruciating, I felt out of my mind. I made it into the dr and then the gastroenterologist a few days later and test after test after lab etc was ordered. All kinds of big bads had to be ruled out and they were, one by one, day by day, but the waiting was also pretty painful and soooo stressful. I was in a little black hole of depression and anxiety. Lastly,  I got my first (and hopefully only) ct scan. I drank weird thick liquid and was poked while trying not to stare at all the poor folks who were gravely ill waiting for their scans. It was normal. I'm good.

 I am fine. "You are really, really healthy!" My dr said. But years of anxiety and stress and freakouts have conditioned my GI to be hyper reactive and way sensitive. I've always been this way. But the older I get (and the more stress that's piled on) the worse my insides are. And then there's the whole, am I wheat sensitive or celiac and to actually find out I'd have to eat substantial amounts of wheat for a couple weeks before getting the test and I'd rather just avoid it. My most recent episode was triggered after I had a few major french bakery binges and I just know I feel best when I avoid wheat, heck all grains...  I'm trying to listen to my body,  and ignore that nagging voice in my mind that wants to worry about weirdo "what ifs". 
  Anxiety is such a strange coping mechanism. Somehow I decided, as a little girl, that if I worried about all kinds of insanely elaborate crazy things, they'd never happen, and they didn't. Other truly bad actual things happened but I was too consumed in my fantasy world to acknowledge the real life frights. I guess the anxiety served me then but it doesn't work for me anymore. My mind is so tied to my body and all that worrying manifest physical symptoms to a startling degree. I'm working on my more worthwhile coping skills, like yoga, meditation, creating, spending time with friends and my little ones and just getting outside as often as possible.

   And as much as I hate to admit it, a Paleo style diet (local fish and grass fed meat) is really working for me. At least I feel physically well. I have an enormous ethical conflict of interest as an animal lover and former vegan, but I can't survive on only nuts and veggies. Dairy, Soy and all beans make me ill and the wheat, ugh. I've been bothered by rice for a while as well and yep, all grains. I hope as my stress management improves and I get my tummy (etc...) back to a place of vitality and wellness I can cut back/eliminate meat and reintroduce beans and a grain or two... and so yeah, I'm feeling better, alive and out of the darkness, free of fear.

Tomorrow I'm going to tell you about blueberry picking and oh those figs! I have so many!! I want to make some sort of fig preserves with them. I love them! Here's to brightness and more summer. xo m

coming through the fog...

  Well, I was sick for about a week.  It seemed such a long time of fevers, mystical visions, weakness, day dreaming, rest and bad tv/movies. Now I'm feeling human again and trying to hold a few visions in my pocket and learn from the realizations I had in my sickest moments. I spent today trying to catch up on work and organizing my tax receipts and treating myself to gram parsons all day long.



  I just love him the most.  xo m

stomach flu (w/ a side of upper respiratory infection)!

 soooo... I am siiiiiiick! Really sick. Laying in bed trippin out with fever, sore tummy, nausea, runny nose, phlegm... all icky sick. Thank goodness for season 3 of Downton Abbey on pbs.com! and bless the internet for existing, I can lay in bed and sip chai and ginger tea and catch up on my stories (ie, tv series and blogs). Last week I was buzzing around like a crazed bee trying to get my new installation/work space together and guess what? stress does contribute to weakening the immune system (my dr is a big wheel and just had a paper published on the subject in some hoity toity medical journal and he confirmed my theory!). Every single time I attempt to burn the candle at both ends and essentially freak the heck out over something, I get sick. It's a bummer. And, get out the violins, being a single mama to two makes it pretty hard to rest. My oldest is sick also so my littlest (she has asthma so I got her a flu shot this year) is playing nurse to us both and delivering tissues and fresh water and extra blankets and such...

 ps, my hair is pretty purple now, excuse the mirror selfie (in sickie sweats no less) w iphone...

some words of wisdom from "love is in the earth".... hope you are all well and not barfing! xo m

sick day(s)...

  For a few days I've felt something creeping... Annoyed, every time I overhead people complaining of their never ending colds & sicknesses at the co-op/coffee shop/cafe/anywhere. Like if I pretending it wasn't out there it wouldn't happen to me. I DO NOT enjoy being sick. I mean, I am one of those never able to be idle types. And being a single mama to two doesn't allow for lay-around-watching-friday night lights-all-day-long (I wish)! So here I am achy, sniffly, congested, kinda sore throat, sipping cup after cup of ginger tea (anytime I get sick I feel it in my tummy) and eating watery soup with crackers. grrrrrr.... Perhaps part of this is due to my  major diet changes a couple weeks ago-toxins coming out etc. but then again, everyone is sick here pretty much all winter...

I can't seem to get comfortable or warm enough. I'm piling on layer upon layer until I am suddenly too hot and have to strip down again. I do have some of my best ideas (and way weirdest dreams!) when I'm sick. I become strangely inspired. I'll take notes. I may have awesome ill-ideas but I lack the energy to do anything much. stay cozy friends! xo m

sunrise of dreams!

  Woke up to this yesterday!! For reals, no fancy instagram filters folks! If the temp and fog and moisture are just right, this is what I see in the fall and winter around 7am. yesssss....

Went to bed last night feeling a little icky, woke up today feeling baaad. Time to put all my herbal home remedies to the test. xo m

winter is coming...

     I haven't been around this space much lately. I've been fighting of a cold and sinus infection and feeling not inspired to do much but the necessities... I'm determines to feel better and dosing up on elderberry syrup, honeyed teas, and tinctures...

 these leaves are everywhere, starting to be replaced little by little with brown pulp... winter is on it's way...

 Gluten free bread making experiments. A lot more work than regular bread baking and I've yet to find a recipe I really love. The search continues...

 So hard to not bring this guy home. I could easily become a crazy cat lady..

 And this guy... Bummed that he can no longer roam around outside. He just can't stop fighting and getting infected wounds/cysts that require (very expensive) surgery. He is not happy about his indoor life one bit.

 Biscuits are good!

 The best $1.99 ever spent around here...

 Loving my once a week coffee fix. Organic, vegan, almond milk, pumpkin spice latte. yes!

 The Full Moon was really lovely, especially reflected off the lake. wow wow wow!

  Then a Full Moon lantern walk around the lake. So sweet and magical...
     I'm visualizing wellness and looking forward to returning energy and less sniffles. xo m

amethyst, tigers eye, hematite, sage & pinon...

  Dealing with another little patch of sickness.. Thursday afternoon my gal was a bit sniffly and then it progressed to insane ear infection by evening.

 There she is in the easter aisle of the drug store. " Whoa, they have SO MUCH cool stuff!" ...

and then yesterday morning, she was looking very pale, complaining non stop about back pain so it was back to the er. urinalysis, blood work, x-rays... all fine. Home resting. She is on the upswing and I'm feeling sick again. eek. I kind of knew this was coming. At pre-school on Mon and Wed all the kids were coughing, crying, extreme runny noses...

  I spent the afternoon, cleaning house and "cleaning" house, burning sage and pinon. Making herbal, lemon honey drinks... Here's to a weekend of rest and recovery. to wellness ans sunshine! xo

hang on to yourself...

  Thursday was a hard day. Our little gal was sick. Sicker than I have ever seen one of my children. Crazy vomiting, fever, lethargy, unable to even walk. It was bad. Those 24 hours were horrible and messy. Luckily for us she was feeling pretty chipper by Friday evening. I felt pretty off and my stomach hurt terribly for the day but we all seem pretty ok now... I can't wait for spring and open windows, doors, warmer weather, more outdoor outings and general wellness...

  I do love sick-people, comfort foods though. Mmmmm oj, grilled cheese, tomato soup, sparkling water. and a good deal of ice cream (me) and saltines (her) were consumed...

trying to sneak away under the table to her "dog house"...

And the pink swan returns. I knew she was feeling better when she wanted to wear her tutu in the tub. Hope you all had a lovely weekend full of ahem, wellness!!

i'm totally ok...

i'm fine, right? waiting for papa bear to come home so i can take my dose of antibiotics and climb under the covers w/ my hot water bottle and vampire diaries season one (it's like comfort food). my stomach is so not cool w the antibiotics so i'll be having a bowl of natural type cheerios for dinner. this is what happens when you burn the candle at both ends and eat way TOO MUCH sugar all month long. i'm sorry, i promise, i'll be good. sickness be gone...

preparing for the new year.

  As much as I love the holidays, there is always a big sigh of relief when it's all over. We've taken steps to simplify the season but I bet we can do even better next year!

  So happy to pack away the ornaments and decorations for another year. I'm excited for the new year and focusing on bringing mindfulness into our lives as much as possible. At the top of the list is the endless war against clutter. I do little sweeps here and there but I feel like getting some major organization done this week. I need to clear literal and figurative space for all the wonder that will come in 2011.

  Also, I figured out today-thank you dr.-why I've been so cranky and plagued by terrible headaches. I have a bad sinus infection with a side of two ear infections. I have to take antibiotics which I'm bummed about (the few times I've taken any I've felt terribly nauseous) but the headaches hurt and need to be gone... Now, I need to work on one of my other goals-going to bed early. No ore staying up until 1am streaming tv shows... This girl needs serious rest!

feels like flu... and some links!

  I really don't feel that terrible. Well, there's the chills, headache, nausea, dizziness, sore throat, lack of stamina to do anything except watch Gypsy 83 on netflix instantly (I got a new computer!! well, the old one died completely and now this is my Christmas gift so thank you Papa!!).
No cough or runny nose... yet.  See, that's what autumn and winter bring in the northwest, one cold after another. It drives me nuts, just when you think you're well, pow, you're sick again...

Here are some links and bits of random thoughts....

  I'm really enjoying Chelsea's posts on eating, meal prep, food shopping, pantry items etc.  She's full of wonderful ideas. I can't really meal plan in that concrete sort of way some people do. I need more freedom and having a good stock of things on hand helps make it easy. I like to read them at night and think "Right on!"...

  This peppermint bark recipe is the best ever! You need to make it right now. People freak out over it and it's the perfect simple gift. I wonder if it could be made vegan with the use of mimi creme? I've been wanting to experiment with that stuff but haven't gotten around to it. Anyone used it with much success?

  oh and this caramel corn recipe is amazing. It's really easy and also makes a lovely gift. I'll pretty much be giving caramel corn, peppermint bark, bourbon balls and peanut butter balls for gifts.

  Being without the computer for a few days really made me appreciate it and also realize the sometimes useless things I do to waste time on the internet (um, facebook). I'm not going to be doing that much anymore....

  At least 2 of our 3 hens have started laying eggs. I looked in the box yesterday and there were three little brown eggs. I found one more today. One of our hens is supposed to lay blue eggs but who knows, maybe they're all laying brown eggs. I didn't think I'd be so jazzed but the feeling when I saw the eggs was very similar to that childhood xmas morning feeling.

ok, tummy is hurrrrting. Time to lay back and rest...

and sorry, no pictures, trying to figure out the new iphoto...
 

oh so sick...

  I was feeling triumphant and pretty impervious until it hit me. The cold. The big bad. It's just terrible, a lingering bit of a dry throat, weird cough, painful headache, congestion and I lost my voice for 3 days and I'm a big talker so that was hard. My family does not understand hand signals well. I've been sipping tea and laying around watching Mad Men. and listening to the Boatman's Call (duh, Nick Cave). it's seem all the videos on youtube have the embedding disables but...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZOhDCtbzVY&feature=related
so so good. I guess I realize that this was sort of my ex-husband and my favorite record when it came out because listening to it is like conjuring a ghost, at moments he seems like he's almost here. So eerie how memories and music can be linked. But still, such a lovely record!
   eek, ok, time for more tea. Need to shake this cold. Grandma gets here tomorrow and she's staying for a WHOLE WEEK which means she'll be watching tv REALLY LOUD... oh man...

sometimes there are dark clouds...

  I've always fought to keep depression away and the last few years have been the best, with only very occasional black clouds rolling in. Anyone who feels depression knows the "nothingness" that wraps around you, the lack of interest, the removal from life... It's like watching a movie and not being able to participate. Stuck on a non-feeling island of solitude...It sucks. Nowadays, a little spell comes on after I've exerted myself emotionally and/or physically and it happens so infrequently that when it does, it feels awful because I'm not used to it. So anyway, I have been taking a break from this space, haven't been feeling like sharing. Been feeling the melancholy and bummer "why bother" feelings...
  I started this blog because I thought it would be an easy way to keep a sort of journal and pictures together. I am an old school zine writer grrl and missed the community and strong friendships I made with other zine writers, and had hoped that the blog community would be something like that for me as well. But the blog world is SO BIG (and dare I say, clique-ish) and it seems like real connections are extremely difficult to come by on the internets. I've come across some really amazing blogs by, what I see as kindred spirits, but it hasn't gone any further than that. Sometimes I wonder if anyone even reads this. But ultimately the reason I do this is for me. To preserve a record of days and life.
  Honestly, I'm feeling more cheerful and more myself. I'm sure the doldrums weren't helped by a slow moving anti-climatic cold (which I had thought was allergies). Today my heart is bright and I'm going to work on my studio space, some short stories and work on a zine again (is there even a zine marketplace anymore? I have no idea??).

   Oh my little lady loves bunnies! I do too. These little grey babies were so very sweet. I think next spring I'd like to build a little rabbit hutch for a pair of rabbit friends. I have to hold myself back because there are so many projects I want to do on/with this space we live in but we are only renting and will be trying to buy a home (hopefully a big out of town farmish spread with lots of space) and moving a zillion animal friends and their homes will be hard.

  Not even trying to preserve the lawn, I like the dandelions, they're happy. And the chickens love to eat the dandelion greens. Speaking of this, The chickens love grass and dandelion leaves, they won't eat lettuce or kale I offer but go crazy over grass and dandelions. Well, there's PLENTY of that...
  Happy weekend! I'm looking forward to some quiet time with my littles and finishing up a quilting project.

golden day.

  The last few days have been really lovely. Warm, bright, so full of sun. Hour after hour spent outside. It's been too long since we've been able to spend much time outside, at least without shivering and scarves and coats...
  Some nights this is what the dinner table looks like. An assortment of odds and ends in bowls. And drawing... My little miss has a favorite word (and pastime) it is, "draw". I hear that word about a hundred times a day. Thank goodness for washable crayons and markers because she likes to draw on everything.

  There are cherry blossoms are everywhere. Last week there were none at all and now, here they are. And in February.  I think we may go looking for a few cherry blossom lined streets tomorrow afternoon. The oldest (not so little, little one) has a sore throat and will stay home tomorrow so hopefully we'll get another sunshine-y day with lots of outside time.

somebody is always sick it seems...

  This winter seems to have brought more than our fair share of the sick... There were breaks here and there but the past month has been pretty intense. And honestly, as the one member of our family who has been the least sick, I am soooo darn tired.

Pancakes help a little.

I love this little towel hanger in the kitchen.

bits of sunshine

good rooty foods

spring is starting to peek out

granola. I am just loving the gluten free oats

  Snuck away for some saturday sister time. After these long weeks of little sleep and constant tending to others, these saturdays with my sis have been something I look forward to greatly.
  Hopefully, tomorrow will be productive and I'll have a few things to post to my etsy store next week. pictures soon...