a new year

  As I sit here and drink my jasmine tea, I am thinking on intentions. The last few years I have written lengthy lists with dozens of goals and many have been accomplished but this years goes deeper. This new years eve/new years day I had only one thing on my mind. Love. Real love. I want to believe in Love. I think there is really only one love for me. The love that I felt as a dream when I was a child. The love that I felt when my own babies came out of my body and I finally held them in my arms. The love that I so wanted to feel with most romantic partners I've had, but it usually disolved for one reason or another. There aren't kinds of love, only LOVE. Fierce and powerful and when you are with that person you create a universe unto yourselves and it's beautiful. I have felt it at times and I have seen it between others and my belief in real love it why I have ended so many previous relationships. I had to believe that there was more than what I was currently experiencing. I had to follow my heart.

   For several weeks I have been attempting to date. Um, it's weird, not for me. I guess I'm just not that modern. I do everything else online but yeah, not the dating... I got rid or and deactivated it all, bye bye. Back to the old fashioned ways of actually coming across that needle in the haystack in real life. I'm fine with that. The waiting... I welcome it. I've got things to do, school starts tomorrow for me and kids. I will be in class and doing homework daily. Great, distraction of mind.

 Every online connection I made was either depressing, slightly scary, annoying or in on case pretty disheartening... I don't have time to pursue sub par connections. There have been many hot tub soaking sessions in my beautiful friends jacuzzi where we exchange stories of the most horrible/hilarious texts know on earth. dating war stories... It hardens you. I'm too soft and strive to stay that way. Instead of dating I will go dancing. My savior at the age of 15 was the dance floor so back to that. I will dance with friends, I will dance on my own if I must but dancing I will go. Every sat night and other nights if it looks extra fun... dance dance dance...

   Winter wraps around us here. It's cold and constantly wet, the sun rarely lights the sky. Every year it hits me somewhat unexpectedly. How is it possible to forget the gloom? Lovely spring and summer wipe it from my mind, every time. January finds me feeling like such a hardy pioneer. I'm a maiden of fortitude simply because I choose to call this damp, grey land my home.

 There have been 2 colds. One that morphed into another so I guess that has a little to do with my sensitive, introspective musings.  Now I have a sinus infection and that lovely disconnected head feeling that goes along with it. Lots of time logged in bed writing. Journal writing, short stories, memoir-always plenty of that. Working out my feelings by writing the down is what works for me.

 There have been certain themes in my Tarot readings. Love and struggle, betrayal oh and coming into money (yes please!! still waiting to hear about financial aid)- it is almost tax time.

 And there it is, in red ink. My final stick n poke tattoo of 2014.  Now I'm off to plant my garlic that is late late late getting into the earth. better late than never! xo m

12 visions for the year 2012...

  I am constantly making dream lists (ok everything lists but real, true life goal lists also) but I do sit down around dec 30 or 31 and make a list for the new year. I want this year to be fruitful and positive and so so lovely but positive is the BIG word here. So super cool and just like this:

it's gonna happen! Here's a little run down of what I wanna dream for 2012..

1. Don't complain, really! Not at all, it's super boring and no one wants to hear it.
2. Write- a lot. books, letters, zines, etc. and self publish (also submit to places that may pay actual $$$).
3. Go on more dates w/myself.
4. Go on more dates w/my man.
5. Be an amazingly healthy/vegan/gluten free/sugar free/coffee free/alcohol free goddess.
6. No yelling. I will always always keep my cool!
7. Be less critical of others (this is a blanket statement that includes, but is not limited to, hurtful gossip and inane trash talking).
8. Learn to play the pretty blue guitar that I bought at a yard sale last spring. This will most likely involve actual lessons.
9. work work work on making my etsy store super wonderful (big changes are coming and I am excited and recharged!).
10. Be magical. And see magic in other people/places/thing.
11. Clean the basement of doom.
12. keep bees

  I am already sure that 1 and 7 will be the hardest but hey, I'm not complaining. Happy new years my friends! xo m

preparing for the new year.

  As much as I love the holidays, there is always a big sigh of relief when it's all over. We've taken steps to simplify the season but I bet we can do even better next year!

  So happy to pack away the ornaments and decorations for another year. I'm excited for the new year and focusing on bringing mindfulness into our lives as much as possible. At the top of the list is the endless war against clutter. I do little sweeps here and there but I feel like getting some major organization done this week. I need to clear literal and figurative space for all the wonder that will come in 2011.

  Also, I figured out today-thank you dr.-why I've been so cranky and plagued by terrible headaches. I have a bad sinus infection with a side of two ear infections. I have to take antibiotics which I'm bummed about (the few times I've taken any I've felt terribly nauseous) but the headaches hurt and need to be gone... Now, I need to work on one of my other goals-going to bed early. No ore staying up until 1am streaming tv shows... This girl needs serious rest!