Mermaids

  I have been deeply obsessed with Mermaids for the last 6 weeks or so. My final project for creative writing was developing, revising, discussing and editing a short fiction piece and mine ended up being about Mermaids. I was deep in it and I loved it. The altered state of creating (being the conduit that brings a story to life) is better than almost anything. I've had the idea (and many false starts) stored in my memory for about 6 months and I think the piece is just now moving in the direction of what it needs become, idealistically. In my experience, stories need to figure themselves out. I just translate as the information is revealed to me. I love that about writing. It's mysterious and magical. It breaks my heart and quietly puts it back together.

   I've been actively daydreaming about picnics a ton and listening to Father John Misty around the clock. Boy, did he ever annoy me last year. His new album came out on double vinyl 45 and I was into the cover art so I impulsively bought it and spent a whole day falling way head over heels in love with it. Ladies, the words... Holy Moly, his wife is one lucky lady cuz that poetry is some deep and heavy stuff. I felt moved and really cool with clinging to my romantic ideals. I thought, "See, true romantics do exist!"

 I've been taking the little miss nettle hunting. She's a natural, hasn't been stung yet. The plants, they love her. She can find what we're looking for before I spot them. Her innocent spirit, a beacon, to all those skittish green fairies.

 These trees! The things they've seen. I enjoy their presence and imagine their origins and history.

  Last week I sat in dwindling sunlight with a Libra-Wood Tigress sister (you guys, I have finally found a birthday twin! It's amazing!!). The sand was warm on top and chilled beneath. Our babes played and argued at the waters edge. In that moment, it all felt so damn fine. Everything calm and chill. I was comfortable in my own skin,  and my heart was full of adoration for my darling friend. The breeze carried sounds of our fiery children bickering. It was all enough.

   My dreams have been wild & intense. Recurrent dreams of myself walking through an unknown and icy forest with a dark wolf by my side. The wolf is fierce but calming. I'm visited night after night by this spirit wolf. It's pretty wonderful. I wake up feeling energetically charged and alert. I feel like the wolf is a male, or could represent a mortal man. Maybe the wolf is showing me the strength I feel in independence or illustrating my innate survival mode? Perhaps he represents freedom and the removal of obstacles/the ending of a relationship?  I wonder what Freud and Jung would say... Honestly, I mostly wonder what Freud would say... I'm just into Freudian ideology. How did that happen?

  When I read my cards, the 10 of cups and the high priestess come up a lot. It feels good and opening. I appreciate the abundance of energy and believe that inward reflection and awareness will lead to a path illuminated with golden light.
  I'm trying not to force and shape my way down the path I'm traveling, I want to proceed as it unfolds before me. Bright and beautiful. xo m

intentional...

  I am sniffling, and dripping elderberry syrup into my mouth by the hour. A teaspoon an hour, every hour, until it starts to dissipate. Picked up some cold germs. Oh the perils of our Northwestern Clime.
 And, Oh hello, my dears... Where have I been for over a month or more. Away on a marvelous vacation? Alas, sadly, no. I was sliding down the rabbit hole of (gasp...) online dating. That world is a little depressing. I mean, it's what people do, right? I do everything else online, work, shop etc, why not pursue dating. It's just, unromantic and really, it's looking for a needle in a haystack (A haystack that is really one of those gigantic trash islands floating around in the middle of the ocean). Chills... I have reached my limit. I'm too sensitive. I have decided that every time I think about a boy or boys I have to do 10 squats (My friend told me about a couple she knows who have to do 10 squats every time they say something negative...well they are super in shape now and don't say negative things as much). I'm getting a gym membership and have to write nightly instead of wasting precious time scrolling through profiles and sifting through bad/boring/creepy messages. I'm done. Back to the nunnery. It's cool. Really. Can't force that kind of magic. I mean you can... But that's a whole nother post titled "don't fool w the dark arts"... I'll be fine. Just retiring my winsome dreams of eating ice cream in bed w anyone this winter... I have Viggo Mortensen, He's the perfect 6lb bed buddy.

 oh heyyyyyy, my dog is ridiculous!! Little bat faced Mr Tiny Body... Big attitude on this gem, I named him rightly.

 Gloom has set in. I dig it, it's good. I pretend I'm in a Swedish film, quietly, walking through the darkness and drizzle. In my head, I'm writing words for passages in my Vamp Book or bits of memoir (this month alone I have begun 3 chapters for a new collection of personal stories...), wait, I have been writing! But I can write more.

 I sew, my machine is broken, so it's entirely by hand, which I enjoy. Very slow, thoughtful, meditative. It connects me to my favorite times. Puritan, Victorian, Depression Era. Oh woe is me, I'm sitting by the firelight stitching away and drawn into a historic circle of sisterhood, women who stitched at night by candlelight, after the babes had fallen asleep. Oh! Please excuse me, While I let out my hens! They will be so cross as It's after 10am... I'm such  a lazy farm mistress today!...

 My nightly tarot readings continue. Getting more acquainted with this beautiful deck and open to the guidance I get. I usually post my readings (right now, I'm fond of doing a 7 card layout) on my instagram.  I feel like I get a really solid picture of what my path is by practicing this divination nightly. The same cards come up, again and again. See. Understand. Hear this... It's beautiful and a magical connection to the other lands that I can hold in my human hands. I treasure my cards.
  When I read tarot, I think about my intention. I draw the cards with intention. This practice has overlapped into every moment of everything I do. How can I pursue this with intention? Harness my feeling in the moment and feel my path, shine and remain free from distracting feelings that aren't always accurate. My beautiful lady friend of nearly 20 years texted me this morning "Just move in your light n live n try to be distant if it's possible" good advice (especially to the lovelorn).
  Tonight is Winter Solstice. After I attend a party with my babes, where most will be tipsy from too much mulled wine, I will come home and write down a list of all my intentions. A fresh manifestation to be wrapped in red ribbon and set to shine in the light of the moon. Always write intentions in the present tense as if they are already happening. 
  And now I need to squeeze Viggo into his little lilac, cashmere sweater vest. Another teaspoon of elderberry syrup. Off to walk on this chilly morning and treat myself with a little black gold-caffeine. It is Winter Solstice. I am. and continue to be. I will live with bright intention. xo m

you know, treats!

*post subtitle... "Maidens of 1997, bakery of dreams & a "picnic at hanging rock" inspired mixtape..."

  My dear friend (first real friend I made in Seattle!) Dawn texted me this picture the other day... Oh my... We thought it was a good idea to invite a 40 something Russian photographer back to her tiny attic apartment after meeting him at Cafe Paradiso, where we used to spend hours reading poetry and writing in our journals.  We played dress up in our thrifted corsets and crinolines... Bad decision making was such a hallmark of my early 20s...

   We were young, broke, free as birds and innocently carefree. We were also wayyyy into black tights with white dresses, wearing layers of antique slips, Hollie Hobbie, Little House on the Prairie and Picnic at Hanging Rock, like A LOT! still are (I was also obviously a lil fixated on the marquis de sade and at the tail end of my uber gothness...)!

  Then after a series of wonderful cosmic events, and kind words from a sweet friend, I landed the sweetest job at what I believe to be the most magical bakery in all the land. I was giddy and elated from the happiness and the simplicity at which the job landed in my lap. I was inspired to make a sweet little playlist that, to me, feels like Picnic at Hanging Rock. enjoy!



Happy end of the weekend and so happy that summer is now upon us!! xo m

friend time!

   A whole week of friend time was had. For the first time we are both without men in our lives. There was a lot of treat snacking! And of course coffee drinking, movies/bad tv dramas, gossip, closet cleaning out, walking all around the city, meeting up with other cool lady friends and a true friend braves a pretty awful 9 hour bus trip to Virginia...

 Dysfunctional comfort movie nite... Hysterical Blindness is the best. Abd the clothes are so GOOD!

 lots of listening to goth records...

 fancy breakfast at 5 leaves... The granola was infused with a little rosewater, it was so dreamy.

 exploring all over the city/brooklyn. walking, walking walking, the train...

 wedding photo booth dress up.

 Bonnets for my birthday in Williamsburg Virginia!

 7 matching tattoos. Which are ugly and sort of scabby still... I'll post pics after they look fine...
Now, I'm missing my bestie... xo m

things...

  This last week has been sick/busy/stressful/full of work work work.. A camping trip, a dj nite and then a trip after my dj nite to the ER... And I am leaving for a week, come Sunday!! My first trip alone in about a year and a half and I'm attempting to carry on one small bag and that is making me feel kind of crazy... I tend to over pack, a lot...

new to me, portable record player

 pie, part one

 missing a friend, part one

end of summer blooms

 pie, part two

 missing friends, part two

 organizing my records

 Gwen playing records

 making biscuit eyes, the day after the ER, all is well.

 chamomile kombucha on tap

the full moon in the morning

    Now, off to do a few last minute lists and things before I start packing... xo m

independence!

  This past week has been full of joy. I've finally found what I was lacking the last few years. In my last relationship, we were so different and the more I tried to make things work with him, the more of my true self was hidden or diluted in the process. I truly feel like my "old" self and I think it's really important to stand on my own two feet for a while-without getting swept away and lost in the tempting tides of a new romance. I am firmly resolved to embrace and remain single for a time. I feel happy, am myself and incredibly inspired. There are so many projects and ideas to work on (and new thoughts coming to mind daily)!

  A sweet late night outing with a friend, we were almost the only ones inside this huge, expensive restaurant. It felt like an old fashioned diner.

 Ballet, in tennis shoes. She is VERY into ballet, gymnastics and Basketball! (?)

   A very dark picture of our new coffee table. Oh how S. and I argued over the merits and downfalls of a coffee table (um, we pretty much disagreed on EVERYTHING). It seemed like no matter what stance I took on an issue-he always took the opposing view. So now he's out and in comes the coffee table!

 My old zine pal, Emily, has put out a new issue of muffin bones and reading it instantly transported me back in time to feeling like the frolicking young lady I once was (am!)... This is issue was pretty bittersweet... get it and see... so so good!

 We stumbled upon this fairy den (ok, squirrel mansion!) yesterday after lounging in the 73 degree weather at the park. My picture does not do it's magic justice...

  Ok, off on our busy day of allergy testing for my gal (excited/scared) and a vet trip for Tommy (another UTI-ugh ugh ugh!)... crossing fingers and as always hoping for the very best! xo m