the way it is...

  It's not easy changing your personality. Going from being a pretty emotionally unhealthy romance junkie (who is always in a relationship-usually overlapping somewhat) who chases after "the strong silent type" (um, emotionally withholding men...) to being a self sufficient, independent steadfastly single lady. I am really determined to not get caught up in just another relationship drama. I need to work on undoing these patterns I've been acting out my entire life. The next time I get involved with someone I want to be more whole and fully devoted to my children and self firstly, us firmly on the path to emotional healthiness. freedom... I want to be good and clear headed. I really wanted my ex to move out and for him to move on and now that he's out, we're both so much lighter and happier and of course, we have a kid together so I still see him and I can't help but feel that bit of a pull back to him. I won't act on it. We were wrong together and all that it's just hardddd! So hard to make the new life that I want. All the change doesn't come without pain and difficulty.
  I can only keep pursuing my goals... children, work on my (mini) line, keep listing vintage, blending new teas, expanding our city homestead, meeting new people, spending more time w friends, saving my change for a visit to see my bff in ny. figuring out what single mama of two looks like for me. I've never done this before. It's all new every day I'm crafting the life I seek. It's pretty magical and wonderful but every other night or so, after kids go to bed, I find tears in my eyes and I can't stop crying. It's a struggle and a little like a roller coaster but I will come through it all (eventually) transformed, reborn. xo m