is that all there is?

  And that's that... The man who was my partner/best friend/everything, on and off for the last 8 years, finally moved out the last of his things yesterday and gave me back the keys. It was a long time coming but I wasn't prepared for the sadness and despair I felt upon his walking out the door (or the hours of tears that followed) and while he rushed off to meet a gang of dudes to have brotherly beers, I was tending to a sick little one, hoping the older child didn't get the bug and nursing my own tummy/cold... When we were together we were constantly disagreeing and bickering-it felt so unpleasant and dead to me. Now that it's done, I can't help but remember all the happy times-even if they were years ago, they come flooding in makes me want to wallow in a sense of loss so strong it threatens to overtake me. I also feel fear. Being a single mom to 2 is not easy. I did it before when my son was little and that was hard, and I only had 1 child... ok, so enough woe is me. Had to get that out there, feel it, accept it in order to turn my face to the sun and open up to the possibilities that are ahead... And I go t a long awaited hair cut-long layers.... spring is here!

 seeds are starting to grow! Now to prepare the garden0which is such a mess.

I need to figure out how to revamp my blog and add an amazon bookshelf and such... and on the to do list in general there are a MILLION things! xo m